The aching heart of a happy mum

I love being wills mum, I am totally in love with him, my heart aches when I think about him, it aches when I think of him smaller than now- i miss that little baby. it aches when I think of him older than now and less dependent on me: and it aches when he's in bed- even when I'm tired and longed for bedtime to come- I still find myself watch videos of him on my phone and pine for the big sweaty heap wrapped in covers snoring upstairs.

He's the best thing in the whole world/ I love his expressive face- he does this wide open mouth agog look, so many times in a day. So many times- life surprises and amazes him to the point of sheer awe!

What fun to be around that energy and that much fascination.

I cherish everyday i spend with him, I miss him when I'm at work but Love to see him open the door on my return and say 'come on in mommy- dinosaur puzzle!'

I hope he always wants a cuddle- my eyes fill and sting at the thought that one day my 'baby' won't put his arms up and whine for me- just because he wants me, to hold him, hug him. Offer him my cheek to his. Tickle, kiss. As hard as it is to be in demand- I do wonder how flat life would be without that.

What becomes of us mums that break our hearts and surrender all our love and hopes- everything for our babies- what happens when they grow? Hopefully we adjust, I guess we do, I'm sure my mum loved me this hard and then as time passed, became accustomed to the pull from her apron, letting out the strings little by little until I was pretty much free. She Still loves me, but from a distance, watching and advising and being there when I need her.

I know all this, but it makes me so sad to think of now. I guess it's ok , I want him to be normal (well individual of course) well adjusted, happy, normal-ish- again! Not attached to his mum like a weirdo in a failure to launch kinda way!

On a trip to London for work, thinking of my boys at home as I speed down the tracks- facing backwards, wow! It's a weird thing- how much you are capable of loving.

ill stop thinking of it now as its breaking my heart, plenty of time for childhood yet xx

Rose's tea party

What a lovely afternoon after Elmfield family session. William baked a snowman bread bun in the morning and ate it on the way to the party.
Roses nan, Mary cooked lots of scrummy pizza and other nibbles that we all enjoyed and the children loved playing outside in her amazing huge garden.
All the usual Monday Club with the addition of lovely max and Eddie and their mum Cheryl, Williams daddy turned up too and loved seeing them all play as he's heard me talk about this gang so much but usually misses out.
After wilderness exploring at the bottom of the garden they all giggled and ran around chasing bubbles x

Running

Around in Aunty Ann's garden- such fun just love these shots if William at speed.
There's some nice ones of him and nanny b too, she'll do anything for him including running on her new knee! (But she did insist on keeping her shoes on- much to his persistence about removing them!)

Baking, digging and horses

A few shots of the weekend. Making bran flake cakes- he's so clever- he made them largely on his own! Big boy.
He played in the mud- new favourite pastime in his fab new waterproofs- a dungaree/ coat combo- necessary mud proofing as his jeans are getting ruined.
We had a lovely long walk at Baggeridge with Ang and Andy and met some horses. There were three young ponies- not sure what breed but one had a full on gentleman's tash! Didn't catch it on camera sadly.
William walked for miles and had a lovely day, we did too! so nice to see our friends and share a place we all love.
The random photo of will in his pjs wearing my trainers and digging in the veg patch is hilarious. I found him there After his bath to remove the dad grime- he can't get enough of the mud!

All together now

First picnic of the year in a woodland by a stream.
Nik and the kids went to stay with mum for the weekend of her birthday and we visited for the day and enjoyed a picnic with them, birthday girl, Becky Dave Jen and Maria.
The woods were lovely, the kids made dens (and claimed squatters rights over someone else's creation.)
So amazing to all be together its not easy to plan or instigate due to locations nowadays but we pulled it off!
Loved to see the little ones together again, it's getting to be a regular thing for them now which is brilliant.
The wheelbarrow rides after the family photo shoot were hilarious- see photos.
Can't wait for the willow tree to grow and be a great den in the summer!
Happy daze x x

Magical most stressful Glastonbury ever- and worth it!

What can we do on this sunny Sunday? Keen to keep up the fantastic fun we had enjoyed the previous day- 'erm let's take the kiddies to Glastonbury'. This is me, when ever I'm within an hour for the place I hear it calling to me. I can't help it at all I'm drawn there. I love everything about Glastonbury, the drive in along the A39 when you get the first glimpse of the Tor in the misty distance, strolling into the high street to see what new shops or people have popped up since the last visit.
This is my special place- I come here a couple of times a year with my best friend and last year with a little gang of girls for my hen do- best ever!!
It's so different to bring the kids- I'm used to meandering round the shops and quiet reflection in the goddess temple- we didn't attempt this one with three lively toddlers in toe!
Last time I dropped in on Glasto unexpectedly it was a bit of a stress, half way through our holiday/honeymoon very tired William and a huge gang of my new inlaws in toe. They all loved it which made me happier than is probably necessary but was ace to realise they were into the type of alternate place/ ideas that it encompasses- even if just for the day!
This second fly by visit was another first- three under 4 year olds- seriously!
We had a challenge to keep the kiddies from wrecking shop literally! But they loved the chalice well so much!
They ran around, full of wonder, rolled down grassy banks in the meadow, drank the magic water from the lions head and paddled in the icy water!
They were drenched by the time the day was done- what a fab day though!
I love the pic of the three of them in the daffodils with the Tor in the background.
X